Binged

I was left alone at home today.

Everyone was out, I baked some chocolate filled chocolate bread. The temptation to eat those chocolate filled goodness was so strong but I didn't give in. After a while, I snacked on corn thins, 10 of them, Then, I ate normal lunch, and then I snacked on mini oreos, 3 at first. I took a short nap and woke up, only to find myself pigging out on an apple, 15 more mini oreos, and 6 cheesecake biscuits. Then I decided to have dinner at 5pm. I told myself to stop, but I munched on cheddar bunnies. I feel like all my weight loss progress is going to go to waste. Yes, I am overweight, or maybe obese, and I am anorexic. Who says anorexia only affects skinny people? I was anorexic, then I fell into this abyss of bingeing. I was so happy then, to eat whatever I want. A year and a half later, I gained more than I started with, been on many diets and still binged occasionally. It's not just something you can just recover from. It's like a lifetime disease surrounding food and every single thing that passes through my mouth, I have to go through a constant struggle to let myself eat it, or even to stop myself from shoving it in. Sometimes, I wish I was anorexic again. And yet, sometimes I don't. It's a conflicting feeling but it's been well over 2 years and I'm tired of this fat ass.