Relationship problems

Been with my boyfriend for five years.. Butthese days i really wonder if he relly loves me. When he was drunk that day, he blamed me for taking away his joys in life.. smoking, drugs and racing. And was saying that I'm going to take away his alcohol next and he rather choose them over me. Its drunk talk but there's a little truth in every thing. It really bothered me since these days he's been saying that I was annoying and sometimes I'm too clingy. Long distance relationship is hard and I need constant reminder and recognition of his love for me and yet for so long, he's never willingly said i love you to me. Once an everyday affair became non existant. It hurts me when he says all those stuff about how annoying I am, but all I can do is just bite my lips and try not to cry with sound. Tears fall of course, and he really hates it when i cry which would just anger him further. I wonder if I'm going to be the one who's abandoned.